Heads first to hell

I've been feeling unstable lately, like I'm a walking Jello.
A few things turn my day bright,
It hurts cause I'm in a lonely place where I have (or had)
that I want and I love and I care for but not in the way that I want.
And is painful and frustrating and scary because
I fought so hard for it and I blew everything off, even my marriage..
Can you imagine? My marriage, I sat in a ton of $100 bill and
I set them on fire because it was not what I wanted



but then I had what I wanted but not in the way that I wanted

not understanding, not patient...

And there it started to be toxic, like raw old fish that is expensive and delicious but it makes you sick...

and the pain started... Now she says she's gone...

I don't know

I guess this is the loneliest part of the adult life

Because everyone can judge and have an opinion. But fuck the opinion,
I don't need opinions,
I need a hug a cigarette and someone who tells me that everything it's gonna be ok
while I fall heads first to hell ...

That being said, you look lovely, I love your hair and I hope you have sweet dreams and a lovely day...