Stargazing alone

Te despediste de mi otra vez

y dentro de mi pecho vi todo oscurecerse, sonaron las alarmas
y empezó a llover fuego, a quemar todo, a demoler loque había logrado.

Me refugié en mi silencio, me cubrí con el manto de la noche
y me quedé ahi quieto, agazapado como gato bajo la tormenta

Viendo el resplandor de mis sueños y mis ideas hipnotizante
como tantas veces antes, como cada vez que te vas.

Me refugio en el silencio, como bestia extática antre la destrución,
sintiendome a penas a salvo del desastre, pero con tristeza honda,
con frio en el pecho, viendo como lo que conocía y amaba ha cesado

Mientras llega la lluvia y lava las cenizas me quedaré viendo el humo,
esperando algún lucero en la mañana, vagaré sollozando como otras veces
como extrañando, como siempre, como cada vez que intento.

Con la amargura tersa de una noche sin sueño
con una lluvia de estrellas en soledad...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGVFzjxkDkQ

Heads first to hell

I've been feeling unstable lately, like I'm a walking Jello.
A few things turn my day bright,
It hurts cause I'm in a lonely place where I have (or had)
that I want and I love and I care for but not in the way that I want.
And is painful and frustrating and scary because
I fought so hard for it and I blew everything off, even my marriage..
Can you imagine? My marriage, I sat in a ton of $100 bill and
I set them on fire because it was not what I wanted



but then I had what I wanted but not in the way that I wanted

not understanding, not patient...

And there it started to be toxic, like raw old fish that is expensive and delicious but it makes you sick...

and the pain started... Now she says she's gone...

I don't know

I guess this is the loneliest part of the adult life

Because everyone can judge and have an opinion. But fuck the opinion,
I don't need opinions,
I need a hug a cigarette and someone who tells me that everything it's gonna be ok
while I fall heads first to hell ...

That being said, you look lovely, I love your hair and I hope you have sweet dreams and a lovely day...

I guess it's goodbye

Did all my dreams never mean one thing?
Does happiness lie in a diamond ring?
Oh, I've been askin' for
Oh, I've been askin' for problems, problems, problems
I wage my war, on the world inside
I take my gun to the enemy's side
Oh, I've been askin' for (Trust me, darlin')
Oh, I've been askin' for (Trust me, darlin') problems, problems, problems

I miss every smile and every touch of your hands... 

I truly wish you could see what it's inside me, 

see that I've never quit loving you and see all the ruins that you left inside.

I am truly broken my love, I truly am 

I've been looking for answers, for balance, for the do's and dont's

but I can't even grasp ideas at this deep...

It's a constant war, a battle in my mind, in my heart, with you and elsewhere ... 

I'm down to the bottom, I lost you at last for something meaningless

for a few misunderstandings that I explained way too much...

I wish that true love never ended, but you would never understand

that I did what I did to get your attention, but listening was never your will

I love you, with all my nerves and tears, I love you so... I love you and only you

Good luck